Hello everyone! I am back! It’s been a long and stressful start to the year with essays, exams and the end of my degree. Things that I love and that have given me joy, like writing, have fallen by the wayside. This break has given me time to reflect. I’ve been exploring, experiencing and changing. These three things have brought me right back here with a new lease of life. I am back and I am better.
I’ve reflected on myself as a person. I wanted to define the way in which I will live my life and plan accordingly. Having taken time to think on these questions, I realised that posing these questions is exactly my problem. I am a standard perfectionist. I want everything to be done just right or not at all. I want everything to be compartmentalised and neat and orderly. Life is not neat and orderly. It’s messy, it’s vibrant, it’s spontaneous and whimsical and I’m allowed to be too. That being said, I’ll always err on the side of order. That’s my comfort zone. The immensely stressful last term of my third year followed by an abrupt lack of activity, however, forced me to realise that I cannot plan my way into living, I must simply do it or risk spending a lifetime waiting for ‘life’ to begin. I’m taking the conscious decision to revel in the art of living. Here and now.
Deciding to revel in the art of living is not easy. I’m a contradiction – a procrastinating perfectionist and an organised sloth. This irritated me for a long time. I would either work, work, work myself to the bone or I would procrastinate myself into anxiety. Accepting these conflicting parts of myself has lifted a heavy weight. I can lounge and I can labour, I just have to be careful not to do too much of either. This is where my love of planning comes in! Creating a guideline for life’s journey is just fine, as long as there’s for movement. For example, this blog was created as a lifestyle blog and it will remain so. My issue is that I fashioned it after the lifestyle blogs of so many of the other bloggers I adore, it lost a lot of me and my lifestyle. The ‘African politics’ fanaticism is completely absent from this blog because it was “off brand”. But for whom is the brand? I largely write this blog for myself. I don’t aspire to fame or fortune with this blog, just to share my art of living with whomever wishes to consume it. Finding the art in living, for me, requires me to also find the flexibility to amalgamate my interests in ways I hadn’t considered. It also demands that I find joy in the little things and celebrate the large ones for ‘there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves’.* And I plan to start today, with my first love, writing (this very blog post).